Do

Encourage your relative to get professional assessment from a practitioner experienced in treating eating disorders.
Express honest love by physical and verbal affection.
Value your relative with the eating disorder so she can learn to value herself.
Realize that your relative is ambivalent about getting well, and takes comfort in the control and rituals of the disorder.
Encourage decision-making and being responsible for those decisions.
Allow your relative to be in charge of her routines of daily life.
Realize that by giving up control, you’re setting the stage for your relative to develop healthy self-control.
Seek treatment for anyone who is in jeopardy of endangering self or others.
Educate yourself about eating disorders and effective means of treatment.
Remember to take care of yourself and keep your lifestyle as normal as possible.
Get help for yourself. An eating disorder can disrupt the entire family.
And, the family needs help in coping with it, whether or not the afflicted relative is receiving treatment.

Don’t:

Panic. Look around for the help you need.
Ask, “How can I help? What do you need?” The person with the eating disorder usually does not know.
Make your love a condition of the individual’s appearance, health, weight, achievement or any other attribute. Don’t comment – positively or negatively — on appearance or weight.
Let these peculiarities dominate the household.
Allow yourself to be manipulated. Require your relative to take responsibility for her behavior.
Force or encourage your relative to eat or to “eat properly.”
Impose rules except those which are necessary for the individual’s and family’s safety and well being. Avoid power struggles.
Feel guilty or dwell on causes.
Expect yourself to be a perfect parent or relative.
Expect or hope for your relative to be perfect or to be cured after treatment. Recovery can be a long process.
Expect that the amount of time you worry will somehow help. See that your relative receives proper treatment, then help yourself to relax.